All of my life I have been petrified of being trapped, thus I run. I run a lot. When I am quarrelsome with my friends, I run. I adapt to a new grouping of friends, and create a fresh start. A fresh start means being a new person. Creating my own imaginary perfect past and pretending to be this person for which I have created. Almost playing my life as a character in my book. I can be whomever I want. But acting only gets me so far, as my true colors begin to show through. So once people really begin to know who I am, I become nervous and leave. A new place or a new group of friends, means i can be someone exciting and new! I also find it easier to relate to men as someone else other than myself.
Therefore, I plan this to be my first chapter in a series in order to find who i really am, rather than who I would like to be.
To get it all out, I am going to state the person, whom at the moment, I would like to be. If I splurge this, then maybe i can get over it, or I may just continuously dwell upon it, but either way these are my thoughts at the moment. Rather irrational and quite the fairy tale, but they are my dreams.
Honestly, I would love to live Bella's life, which is stereotypically during this time due to the Twilight craze which I myself have become caught up with. Her life is so adventurous and out of the ordinary. She has a feeling of being special or unique all the time, not to mention her lack of problems with men. The author has taken the dreams of every "average" girl and brought them to life. The "average" girl finding prince charming and falling madly in love. I wish I could say that I was truly in love, but I would be lying through my teeth. I love my boyfriend, but am not "in love" with him. I just wish to have a "prince charming" to love and care after me just as Edward and Jacob do. Their characters are portrayed to both have unfathomable love for Bella, which is rare to find these days it seems. Thus all girls whom seek love, become obsessive of these characters and instead of concentrating this obsession in the characters, focus them upon the actors which portray them. I have fallen to this as well, I mean, we create an idea in our head and it is difficult to remove. Thus, I currently dream of being swept off my feet by Jacob only portray him in my mind as Taylor Lautner (actor who plays Jacob in Twilight and New Moon). I can be so foolish sometimes, daydreaming of things such as beautiful people falling madly deeply in love with "average" people. Thus why it is called a dream. Oh well, so yes if you actually read this you will learn that I am quite a dreamer trying to find purpose to life. I also wish to be characters in books, much more than actually living my own life. A character in a book does not have limits, where I as an average human being do.
I'm going to stop here for now. There will be more, but I'm splurging all of my thoughts together, so i must stop and reorganize them. Thus, El Fin.

Alli Simm